I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
