Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
