Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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