I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
