haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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