I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
