I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
