He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
