I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
