Where did you get a picture of my penis
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
