Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize