I didn't shave. On purpose
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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