I will die if light touches me.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
you inspire me to be a worse person
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
