just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
how drunk are you?
Several
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize