I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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