i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize