Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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