Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
