i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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