90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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