I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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