How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
