OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
How does it feel to date your dad?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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