I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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