i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
