cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
