Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
