So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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