you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
