Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize