Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
