just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
