i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
