From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
