why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
