I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
