i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
