i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Randomize
