so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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