Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Randomize