I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
