My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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