I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
