there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
