I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
