Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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