I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize