dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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