i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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