he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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