sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
