Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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