apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
