Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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