I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
