So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
