I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
