I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
