Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
