And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
