I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
