I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
