no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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