I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
