I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
me + whiskey = a bad person
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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