Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
