i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
