dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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