New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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