You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
