David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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