just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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