he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
