dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
