Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Randomize