Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
