Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
