And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
