just survived the first fart of the relationship.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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