I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
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