After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
