Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
