What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize