"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
