So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
