She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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