First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
foreskin is a definite game changer
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
