I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
