There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
